What is Your Effort Producing

I remember when I was a teenager (wow the distance between now and that time grows) I wanted to hear the voice of God desperately. I wanted to feel how real He was. The problem was that I kept trying to connect with God through my youth leaders. I would weekly go up and ask them to pray for me, I wanted more of God and I remember trying to rid myself of anything that I thought would be ungodly. I remember times when I felt so desperate I would cry.
One night after lying on the floor of the youth room for a while waiting on God I became angry, because I couldn’t feel Him…and I wanted to feel His presence. To prove to me how real He was. I got up off the floor that night and left angry and stayed angry and allowed that anger to steer me away from God and into the arms of young men.
After going a very hard road and not realizing that God pursued me the entire time until much later, I gave my heart back to God. At first because I was desperate not to have my heart broken by another man again (it was only a few, but a few too many), but as God gradually wooed me and healed my heart I clung to Him for Him. I realized much later that I was trying to find the touch of God in a person, and He had a much better plan for me, but because I really didn’t pursue Him (outside of those youth nights), because I didn’t wait upon Him and I listened to the lie of the enemy I felt let down by Him and gave my heart to another.
God desires relationship with us, a deep intimacy. I couldn’t feel Him in those days because I was seeking it in others and not going directly to the source. He wasn’t ignoring me or withholding because I wasn’t ‘right’ or going about it all wrong, but now I see a teaching moment. Everything worth having is worth waiting upon, at times worth pursuing and ultimately worth working for. Relationships are work; they take time and effort and are so worth it. I’ve developed the love of gardening and at this moment due to a well water issue I have to hand water all my vegetable plants. The Lord is using this time and this effort to prepare me for marriage and to deepen my relationship with Him.
We can either take the easy road in relationships (setting a hose and forgetting) or put forth the effort (weeding, caring for, and in my case hand watering) and reap the greatest benefits…effort and time always lead to deeper intimacy in all relationships. Those vegetables have become “my babies” so to speak; I hand care for those crops, I take time and invest effort into those crops and I know I will reap a wonderful harvest. See the parallel?
I also pray in that garden and listen for the life lessons the Lord wants to speak to me through gardening. I know with all of this, those will be some of the best tasting vegetables and fruit I have ever eaten. I know the same for my relationship with Jesus, the lover of my soul and the husband the Lord has set aside for me. What will be your harvest?

I'm back

It's been awhile since I've blogged, but now I feel it's an important time...so I am back from my looong break.